Be angry,[b] and do not sin;
ponder in your own hearts on your beds, and be silent. Selah
5 Offer right sacrifices,
and put your trust in the Lord.
-------
This verse really struck my heart as I was reading. I have to admit, I'm an external processor. When I'm going through struggles or pains, I often project that onto other people and will often seek the advice of others. I think a part of me does that because it helps me navigate my thoughts, but when I really reflect on the root of it, I can't help but think that there is also a part of me that wants to tell people so they can feel sorry for me? I guess it goes back to my victim mentality. Something that's been really difficult for me to cast down is my desire to please people. Growing up, I was always lonely and so I would do whatever I could to get people to like me, even if that meant having people pity me. Getting older, though, it becomes clearer and clearer that it doesn't work like that. I just turned 28 and had this revelation that, shiz, I'm getting old. That means no more acting like a child. I think God has put this idea of "ponder in your own heart and be silent" in my heart for a while, but a part of me was being disobedient because I think I'm scared to actually face how crappy of a person I really am. Kind of like what our book is talking about in Chapter 1, I try to put on such a holy exterior because, yes, God has been doing some amazing work in me, but whenever I stumble, I automatically neglect my soul and try to resolve it externally.
Lord. Thank you for being a faithful God that listens to your children's prayers. Thank you for being the God that meets us 90% of the way and asks up to meet you 10%. Holy Spirit, i pray for the courage and faith to take that 10% step. I pray that in those times, you would meet me there. I pray that we can start to have dialogue, not for more fruit in my life or more blessings, but more so for us to navigate my thoughts together. To sync up our hearts together. I pray that, this season, you would help me ponder my in my heart in silence. Amen.
ponder in your own hearts on your beds, and be silent. Selah
5 Offer right sacrifices,
and put your trust in the Lord.
-------
This verse really struck my heart as I was reading. I have to admit, I'm an external processor. When I'm going through struggles or pains, I often project that onto other people and will often seek the advice of others. I think a part of me does that because it helps me navigate my thoughts, but when I really reflect on the root of it, I can't help but think that there is also a part of me that wants to tell people so they can feel sorry for me? I guess it goes back to my victim mentality. Something that's been really difficult for me to cast down is my desire to please people. Growing up, I was always lonely and so I would do whatever I could to get people to like me, even if that meant having people pity me. Getting older, though, it becomes clearer and clearer that it doesn't work like that. I just turned 28 and had this revelation that, shiz, I'm getting old. That means no more acting like a child. I think God has put this idea of "ponder in your own heart and be silent" in my heart for a while, but a part of me was being disobedient because I think I'm scared to actually face how crappy of a person I really am. Kind of like what our book is talking about in Chapter 1, I try to put on such a holy exterior because, yes, God has been doing some amazing work in me, but whenever I stumble, I automatically neglect my soul and try to resolve it externally.
Lord. Thank you for being a faithful God that listens to your children's prayers. Thank you for being the God that meets us 90% of the way and asks up to meet you 10%. Holy Spirit, i pray for the courage and faith to take that 10% step. I pray that in those times, you would meet me there. I pray that we can start to have dialogue, not for more fruit in my life or more blessings, but more so for us to navigate my thoughts together. To sync up our hearts together. I pray that, this season, you would help me ponder my in my heart in silence. Amen.
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